Samantha Cornelissen
Health Data Liaison, ConnexOntario
Supporting a loved one while mitigating the ripple effects that stigma brings.
I know from first-hand experience that it can be hard admitting when a family member is struggling with a mental illness. Whether it is depression or anxiety, substance use or problem gambling, confiding and sharing information about a loved one’s mental health struggles can feel embarrassing and shameful. Despite growing awareness and education regarding the prevalence of mental health disorders, stigma surrounding mental illness continues to exist. Not only do these negative attitudes and beliefs impact the individuals themselves, they also negatively impact family members. Feeling shame and embarrassment, family members may want to hide their loved one’s mental illness or addiction from others to protect themselves from judging eyes and covert whispers.
To adress the shame that family members experience, we need to confront the stigma and bias surrounding mental illness, substance use, and problem gambling.
Recognizing and addressing shame
Shame is feeling flawed and inadequate, and can lead to distressing emotions and poor mental health. Family members may be sensitive and worried about what others may think of them and begin to socially withdraw, isolating themselves from natural supports such as friends and family.1 To address feelings of shame, family members are encouraged to speak openly and honestly with their supports. Let others know how they can help and what is needed.2 Supports can offer a safe, non-judgmental space, and finding confidence in others such as friends, family, or mental health professionals provides an opportunity for family members to explore and accept feelings of shame.3 Look for family member support groups. Sharing experiences with other family members who truly understand what you are going through, and knowing you are not alone, can be empowering and validating.
Supporting families, changing attitudes
To address the shame that family members experience, we need to confront the stigma and bias surrounding mental illness, substance use, and problem gambling. Be an advocate for mental health by speaking up and discussing the truth about mental health. By sharing our personal experiences as family members, we shed a new light on mental illness and start to dispel the negative thoughts and attitudes surrounding mental illness. When we speak up, we let other family members know it’s not their fault, they are not alone, and they have nothing to be shameful about.
For 24/7 support for mental health in Ontario, visit connexontario.ca or call 1.866.531.2600. For resources and information for young adults, visit mindyourmind.ca.
1 Cuncic, Arlin. (June 28, 2023). The Psychology of Shame. Verywell mind. Retrieved August 9, 2023 from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-shame-5115076
2 Nexus Family Healing. (February 25, 2020). A Parent’s Shame – Having a Child with a Mental Illness Health Issue. Retrieved August 9, 2023, from https://www.nexusfamilyhealing.org/blog/parents-shame what-is-shame-5115076
3 Cuncic, Arlin. (June 28, 2023). The Psychology of Shame. Verywell mind. Retrieved August 9, 2023 from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-shame-5115076what-is-shame-5115076
